The Intentional Family

I recently read part of a book called The Intentional Family by William J. Doherty. I found it very interesting! I decided right away that I wanted to implement some of the ideas into our family.

After Doherty talked about all the different families that have emerged through the world's history- the institutional family (pre-1920's), where the "primary goals for family life were stability and security; happiness was secondary"; the Psychological family (starting in the 1920's), where the goal cheif goal was "the satisfaction of individual family members"; the Pluralistic family (beginning in the 1970's), where the "ideal is to let a thousand family forms bloom as families creatively respond to the modern world" - he points out that "we now have the first society in human history without a clear social consensus about what constitutes and 'real' family and a 'good' family."

His premise is that only an intentional family "has a fighting chance to maintain and increase its sense of connection, meaning, and community over the years. An Intentional Family is one whose members create a working plan for maintaining and building family ties, and then implement the plan as best they can." Families can accomplish this through family rituals. A ritual is not simply a routine (such as cleaning the bathroom). A ritual is an activity with meaning or significance, it must be repeated, and coordinated. (I could go on and on....there is so much good stuff here, but for fear of boring my readers, I'll stop. Just go read it yourself.)

I decided that the easiest way for me to have regular special rituals (in addition to the traditional rituals we have such as Christmas traditions) was to implement a special Family Home Evening each month. It's been neat to plan these!

Our first one was in January and we called it our "Ancestor Birthday Party." Each January we'll repeat this ritual. We began by busting out of all our birthday celebration decoration. We decked the house for a very special birthday party. We also planned some fun party games. On Sunday, we enjoyed a very special and yummy dinner, surrounded by balloons and streamers. After dinner, we gathered on the couch to learn about our ancestors. I brought a book out that I have that has a lot family history in it, including pictures. I shared some stories from the book, and a few stories from my memory about my grandparents. We were lucky to have Nana and Papa here, so afterward they each shared a few stories about their families and heritage.

Lastly, we talked about how we have come from a long line of wonderful people who have sacrificed to give us many of the comforts we enjoy. We talked about how important it is to be linked to these people, and to continue the great work they sacrificed for - and how that all starts (and ends) with families. It was a great night!

Then it was party time! We enjoyed a fun game of "Pin the Crown on the Princess" (what would you expect from an all girls family!?!?) and had our cheesecake while we sang "Happy Birthday dear Ancestors." This evening has gotten the girls interested in stories about the people who came before them.








February's special night was a candle light dinner and art contest. The girls and I planned the reddest meal we could (lasagna, heart shaped garlic bread, red jell-o, sparkling grape juice....and salad). We talked about all the fun and silly things that we love in the candle light.

Throughout the week proceeding this night, I encouraged the girls to do art projects and color pictures. Then we displayed them all, and talked about how beautiful they each are, and how talented the girls are. Then, each daughter entered one masterpiece into each of the three categories to be judged - most colorful, most creative and one more category that I can't remember! Wouldn't ya know it, each girl won!







What's planned in March, you may ask? Well, that's the problem...I don't know. Maybe something with my Irish heritage? I'm asking for suggestions - after all, I've got 10 more months to fill :)